Letter from the road

Issue 4 – Normal

Something the road brought up this time

We have been noticing something since we have the truck. If two people would stand next to each other and look at our truck, they could see something very different. Some people mainly see things that they would find difficult: Limited water and energy, no airconditioning, 24/7 with the kids, homeschooling, a small house and little comfort. They say “I would not be able to do that”. Others see something entirely different. A fully equipped house, taps with running water, free electricity, freedom, independence, richness. They say things like “If I had a truck like that, I would not need a house”.

It is the same truck, the same life, but seen from different realities, different normals. 

How normal is normal?

The further we travel, the more normals we find. The normal in Europe is a high-paced society focussed on performing. Hard and often stressful work, comfortable living and replacing things when they are broken or just damaged. Here, in Africa, it is normal that you have to save to buy wood for a bed and repair things endlessly. They creatively use materials that we would consider “waste”. Society runs at a lower pace and people seem to not only have but also need less comfort. People don’t live by the clock, appointments are flexible, there is more time for people. Also at the smaller scale, we can see many differences. How you dress, how often you shower, having holidays, bread for lunch or three hot meals a day to name a few. Normal is clearly a relative thing and not an absolute truth. 

But how conscious is it, really?

We think we are making conscious choices, but many things do not feel like choices at all. It is just the “normal” way of things. School, work, house, raising kids, buying things. We rarely question what feels normal, not because we’re unwilling to think about it. But, because normal is often invisible from the inside. The things that we find normal are so engrained in our daily lives that we hardly give them any thought.

When our normal is confronted, we tend to defend it without really being prepared or able to think about it and reconsider. But, if it is relative as we said before, why do we defend it so fiercely?

The privilege of stepping back

It was only when we started traveling and created physical distance between ourselves and our previous way of living that we started to see the different aspects of our previous “normal” life more clearly. And, the dependency of different aspects – money, time, stress, comfort – that was keeping it in place. It became clear to us that not everything we were doing was because we consciously chose to. For some things we just went along with the flow of society, because it was so normal.

The longer we’re on the road, the less interested we become in what is normal. And the more interested we become in understanding why we see and do things the way we do. Because normal does not mean “good” it just means that we are used to it. But of all the things that are normal for one person, there is always someone for whom it is not. 

Should we reconsider?

Normal is relative and largely unconscious while it drives many of the decisions that we make. At the same time it is not uniformly “good”. Maybe it deserves to be discussed more. Maybe we want some things that we consider normal not to be normal at all, and the other way around.

One thing we keep wondering about is why some things are considered unrealistic while others are accepted without much question. For example, spending years feeling stressed and exhausted seems normal enough. Taking a year off to spend time with your children often does not. Or, spending your savings on a new kitchen rarely raises eyebrows. Spending the same amount on a year of travel often does. Why is that? Shouldn’t we reconsider these normals? We are not saying one choice is better than the other. But it does make us wonder how some choices become normal and others become extravagant. And why people feel so strongly about the different options. 

Moreso, some things are seen as unrealistic only because something else is normal. For example, what if it only seems unthinkable to spend a lot of time with your kids, because we just do not have the headspace since working a stressful job is part of our normal? 

And, what if something normal does not work for you at all? Why is it so difficult to do things differently? Why do we stick so desperately to one normal while there are many more normals to find in the world? 

Are there things that we actually only accept because they are normal?

Perhaps the most interesting thing about normal is not what it includes, it is what it prevents us from questioning.

If you feel like writing back — start wherever you are.

Until the next letter,

Douwe and Karlijn

Your correspondents from the road

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